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The Agony of being an Introvert

Shy. Antisocial. Reserved. Arrogant. You can't hear the end of such - and similar - words. You are the opposite of what they call "Life of a Party." You have nothing against people, but somehow, talking to them, and socializing with them is not inherent for you. It doesn't come naturally, you need to get out of your comfort zone to do that. And that takes a lot of effort, more than one can fathom.

The corner seat is your best friend - everywhere! Seclusion fascinates you. Stories written in books interest you more than real life stories coming out of real people. So does music, so do movies, and TV shows - you know where I am going with this. This is so because books and movies don't expect your opinion in return. You won't have to make small talk with them. They won't judge you for what you say, and that comforts you.

Small talk is THE most dreaded concept for introverts. As an introvert, I despise small talk. Don't get me wrong, I do not hate to talk. In fact, I absolutely adore talking about things that matter - about life, about destiny, about feelings, about one's purpose on Earth - about deep stuff. But shallow, small talk is what I hate, and I am talking on behalf of all introverts. It is actually the word "Small Talk", whoever coined it probably didn't think it through. Adding the word "small" to the word "talk"? Doesn't make much sense.

Imagine this scenario - You're at a party, and your close friend introduces you to his/her close friend. What are the words running through your mind?

"Okay, what do I do now?"
"Nothing to say."
"Why me?"
"When will this end?"

I am sure introverts can relate. Socializing seems to be the hardest thing on the planet. All those words, phrases and witty sentences that are formed so clearly in your head simply vanish in such a social situation. Even if you try to talk, the words are just not the same coming out of your mouth. 

Source: Pinterest
Getting to know someone seems to be a task, true. However, once that horrific and awkward phase is over, once you click with someone, you can be the coolest and the most trustworthy and dependable friend.

Introverts often come across as rude, arrogant or self-absorbed. But we are mostly just absorbed in our thoughts. We have a lot going on inside our heads, most of which we do not express, and we tend to like our company more than anyone else’s. We have limited number of friends, but genuine friendships, which we cherish.

So it’s been established that we are not big fans of parties or social gatherings. Hanging out with acquaintances is a daunting task. People who don’t know us well seem to have the same questions for us, which are along the lines of “Why are you so quiet?” and “Are you bored?”

Guess what. We are not bored, and we can be talkative. We just don’t feel the need to say anything unless addressed to, or unless we have something important to say. We talk only with close friends or family around, and even then, we require some “Me Time” to recharge ourselves. This “Me Time” is of utmost importance in every introvert’s life, otherwise we tend to shut down.

Souce: atchuup.com
An advice to people with introverts as friends, lovers or children – Let them be. Do not try to change them. They cannot change the way they are wired, they can only pretend to be friendly, or socialize.

“Pretend” is a rather negative word, I know, but in an introvert’s case, this is the truth. We follow the “fake it until you make it” concept. So, over a period of time (months, maybe years) an introvert might actually turn into an extremely amicable person, but he/she would still require his/her alone time to recharge. Research supports this notion. A book titled Quiet, authored by Susan Cain, summarizes this pretty well. It highlights the qualities of introverts, backed by research and evidence.

It has also been mentioned in this book, that all introverts are not shy. Shyness and introversion are two different, albeit similar, traits. There are shy introverts and shy extroverts. Shyness can be overcome, whereas introversion is hard-wired into us. So please, do not make any assumptions if you meet me for the first time, and I am a little hesitant to talk to you!

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